From Bondage to Calling

Unfortunately, I was convinced the source of all my misery was the very entity they were suggesting I give myself up to willingly, God.

Alcoholics Anonymous calls it the “Third Step Prayer”.  A plea to be released from the bondage of self so that I could be of better service to others. To do this, I had to willingly turn my life over to the care of God as I understood him. (Alcoholics Anonymous, 2001)

The words stacked up one upon the other, creating a roadblock of thoughts. “Bondage of self” caused the bottleneck. “Willingly turn my life” was the one that caused the pile-up.

This short prayer implied there might be only one bond holding me captive: myself.  The bondage of my selves was more like it. Which should I work on first? My fearful self? How about the selfish, self-absorbed self? I felt the familiar tug and began to sink.

Unfortunately, I was convinced the source of all my misery was the very entity they were suggesting I give myself up to willingly, God. The prayer said my difficulties could be taken away and I would be of better service, more loving, and filled with his power to be a recovered person. I had doubts. My difficulties were drowning me literally and figuratively.

I stared at the Psalms of David with tear-filled eyes. I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him. Psalm 40:1-3 (NIV)

Would he? Could he, if asked?

Coming from a place of bondage to realizing a calling to serve is a journey. My map was littered with land mines.

Unworthiness continued to sabotage every new experience, which did a great job of shutting down commitments and regular spiritual growth.

Shame would push me out along the edges of love and fellowship.

Fear sucked out all the joy.

How do you untangle all the bondages of self? They told me it was one day at a time.

An honest willingness to take a hard look at each part of you that holds you bound while praying for the clarity offered through others who quietly come alongside you.

And then you serve. Unselfishly.